Flexing

I’ve been working really hard to be less rigid in how I approach, well, everything, including rigidity itself. My attempts to be more adaptable and open are usually ridiculously inflexible. I spend inordinate amounts of time mapping out precisely how I’ll challenge the OCD rules that dominate many aspects of my existence, creating charts and … Continue reading Flexing →

A Headache

Besides a few teasers of reprieve, I had a migraine most of Wednesday and some of Thursday. Just a migraine, yes, but it sucked, as might be expected of a debilitating headache. My reaction to it certainly didn’t help matters at all. My tendency, especially over the last few months, is to jump to unproductive … Continue reading A Headache →

Home Is Where the Floss Is

Yesterday marked another important milestone in my slow journey back to life: I made a trip to a large craft store for the first time in recent memory. It was pretty great. My husband and I had decided to break up the normal tedium with a date day, our version of which entailed a streetcar … Continue reading Home Is Where the Floss Is →

All I Really Want

All hail Alanis. (With that out of my system, I can now proceed.) I’ve been finding it really hard lately to accept help from PSWs. There are several reasons for this, chief among them that support workers represent, to me, what I’ve lost in terms of independence. As I’ve become increasingly capable, I’ve also become … Continue reading All I Really Want →

The Gift of Gab

My parents called this morning to remind me that it’s an important anniversary, one I honestly would’ve forgotten had they not remembered. Exactly a year ago, I regained the ability to speak. Though I hadn’t known the precise date, I do remember the moment. There had been some buildup to to it, and my anticipation, … Continue reading The Gift of Gab →

New Wheels, Gotta Roll

At very long last, my new wheelchair arrived on Thursday. It’s a thing of beauty. More importantly, it’s mine. Not on loan from the medical supply company. Fitted for me, with everything tightened up where it ought to be. Smooth and shiny (for now, anyway). Ready for the accessories I’ll inevitably buy to make it … Continue reading New Wheels, Gotta Roll →

The Flip Side of a Flop

I like to tell myself that everyone has those “yeah right, medical professionals, quit the hyperbole and lemme do what I’m gonna do” moments. Aren’t I, after all, the expert on my own body? (History would suggest otherwise, in my case, but I’ll conveniently brush over that part.) Don’t hold me back! I’m regrowing a … Continue reading The Flip Side of a Flop →

“Should I Be …”

As soon as I heard myself say it, I burst into the kind of self-aware laughter that’s been coming to me frequently and spontaneously as of late. I’d been obsessing about something I did a little compulsively (all of this in a very OCD manner, of course), and, as I am wont to do, I … Continue reading “Should I Be …” →

Sleep or Swim?

My body and brain must miss the recreational swimming I enjoyed before I had epilepsy. Three of the last four nights, I’ve woken up in the wee hours drenched in sweat. I mean, drenched. Through-the-sheets, through-the-duvet-cover-and-the-duvet, stringy-hair drenched. Gross and uncomfortable? Yes. Disconcerting? Also a yes. I’m not particularly worried that these four-in-the-morning swimfests are … Continue reading Sleep or Swim? →

Heat

After an up-and-down spring and a spotty early summer, Toronto’s now in full-blown heat mode. Weather-warning, too-hot-to-be-outside-without-feeling-a-little-nauseated heat. I used to love luxuriating under the sun. Being uncomfortably warm was my preferred state: I felt a certain affinity toward camels, salamanders, and, of course, the mighty kangaroo rat. I inwardly rolled my eyes when people … Continue reading Heat →