Crushed Dream: An Unexpected and Unwanted (Obviously) Hospital Stay

Note: I wrote this blog entry yesterday and only got around to posting it today. Some of the content is slightly outdated.

This will be short, for a reason that will soon become evident. It might also be sloppy, but not as bad as the garbled text messages that I was sending a few days ago (sorry, recipients).

I’ll get straight to the point: my no-hospital-stay streak is broken. Ugh. #crusheddream

I’ve been at my hospital of choice/habit since Wednesday evening. I had three tonic-clonic seizures in a row, followed by two complex partials. Since that number and combination is way outside of my norm, my husband called 911, and I was taken here by ambulance. I ended up being admitted.

Life in the neurology ward has been tough, even if I’ve had tons of visits from friends and my husband and eaten massive amounts of my favourite foods. (These delicacies include food-court sushi, Tim Hortons soup, and ice cream. I’m cheap to please.) I didn’t expect to be back, and I’m not happy that I am. It’s hard not to wallow. I feel physically bad and so, so sorry for myself. Looking for the positive isn’t at the top of my list of my list of priorities.

And yet positivity rears its hospital-scrub-covered head. I had a very special moment yesterday with a nurse who recognized me from previous stays (I mean, they all recognize me from previous stays). She commented on how while I was here with the intracranial grids, there were periods in which all I could do was groan. Comparing how I am now to how I was then is, in her opinion, like night and day, no matter my current difficulties. She stressed how amazing it is to see me so far along in my recovery. I got the warm fuzzies.

With any luck, I’ll be able to leave later today or tomorrow. Among other things, I’m waiting on a blood test to see where my Dilantin’s at—its lowered level is thought to be the cause of this crisis, so we’ll see what happens. If nothing else, this has been an unneeded reminder that life with epilepsy is full of surprises. And yes, that was my attempt to find another silver lining.