After reviewing his records of such things, my husband informed me a few days ago that my tonic-clonic seizures have almost disappeared.
In fact, over the past two months, I’ve only experienced one. One.
I knew, or at least suspected, that I wasn’t having very many of them, but it hadn’t occurred to me to check to see where I currently stand in the Me vs. Tonic-Clonic Battle in which I’ve been engaged, against my will, for years now. I wonder if my subconscious was afraid that I’d look at my seizure record, see it blighted with the red marks that we use to indicate convulsive seizures, and realize that I’d been having them every few days all along and just didn’t remember them. That seems like a reasonable conjecture, right?
But let’s get back on the positivity train!
I attribute this major improvement to two factors: a stable (and therapeutic) Dilantin level and the fact that my VNS has now settled into its new home in my chest and is happily zapping along. That said, it’s possible that I’m completely wrong and there’s some other, entirely random reason for it. #shrugemoji
I’m still having relatively frequent complex partial seizures, though it seems as if they might be trending downward, too (it’s still hard to make a call). More about them in a future post. Yes, I’ve written that before and not followed through. Yes, it’s my full intention that this time will be different. Yes, it very well might not be.
I was a bit reluctant to blog about this because I didn’t want to jinx myself, but I decided, in the end, to go ahead and do it since I’m a true believer in documenting the good along with the bad. This, in case it wasn’t abundantly clear, is really, really good. Sure, the complex partial seizures have stuck around, my blister pack overfloweth with AEDs with undesirable side effects, and there are aspects of my VNS that I really, really dislike; however, a few months almost free of tonic-clonic seizures are enough to eliminate, oh, 85% of my seizure-related complaints (for now, and I reserve that extra 15% because I still have stuff to whine about). Complex partial seizures are scary and disruptive, but not as scary and disruptive as the TCs are, and for the first time in a while, I can envision a future in which seizures are no longer a primary feature of my life.