Some Problems Are Good to Have

I’ve kept meaning to sit down and write an update, but the thought’s been overwhelming because I have a very welcome problem: there’s too much, almost all of it good, to catch up on.

So I decided that the best course of action would be providing a list of highlights for now and elaborating on them later. At my leisure, obvs, because this is my blog and I can do what I want with it. (In other words, this post is more or less one longish cliffhanger that I’m not going to apologize for.)

Over the past week, I:

1. Saw my occupational therapist, who evaluated our apartment for an automatic door opener and offered to email our building to ask permission to have one installed. Not only did the property manager say yes, but she also agreed to pay for it and made it seem as if it were no big deal rather than the massive accessibility win it is. This is huge for reasons I’ll get into when I have time to devote more than a couple of sentences to detailing why freedom and independence and the knowledge that I could flee to the lobby if there were a fire and I happened to be home alone are wonderful, wonderful things.
2. Had an intake appointment for a specialized OCD program. I’m totally not obsessing about whether or not I’ll be accepted.
3. Sat on the couch next to my husband for the first time in a few years and could stand up and sit down with minimal effort. This also deserves its own post. I’m still glowing.
4. Started using my laptop, which I purchased at the beginning of 2022 but couldn’t convince myself to touch for several months. I did so for a short period of time with much difficulty and after much coaching from my neuropsychiatrist; it proved, however, more trouble than it was worth since I agonized over every tiny perceived flaw in/on it and frequently asked my husband for reassurance that I hadn’t ruined it through the power of my thoroughly washed fingertips. I hadn’t been able to handle taking it out since being discharged last year (it seems as if this OCD program might be a good fit?). My husband and I agreed yesterday that I was ready to reintegrate it into my life, and he pulled it out of my closet and set it up for me. Guess what I’m touching at this very moment and with no anxiety whatsoever?

Beyond those specific points, my overall progress has felt exponential. My husband and I keep looking at each other in disbelief and observing that we haven’t been in such a steadily good place for years, maybe even a decade. It’s validation that we’re making good choices and putting the work in.

More to come, but you’ll have to wait. This afternoon, I’m going to focus on being content and confident enough within myself to do nothing but listen to an audiobook and embroider. Priorities.