Stitches

It’s been a week.

A good one, in some regards, but also a very challenging one. I’ve had a few health blips and a couple of appointments that’ve forced me to stop evading uncomfortable realities. Facing the future—particularly when aspects of it are uncertain—remains a huge stumbling block. Parts of me would rather cruise along in blissful ignorance; parts of me would prefer to push off making tough decisions. I guess that I really did secretly assume that I’d come home and everything would be better—that despite what my medical team was telling me, my prognosis would magically change.

Instead, here I am. My determination to have the truth not be the truth has long allowed me to very conveniently wriggle away from dealing with reality. The more time passes, however, the more difficult it’s become to accept that there’s no way around making decisions. Pretending otherwise would ultimately prevent me from continuing to work towards figuring out how to live a meaningful life within the limits I currently need to respect.

In other words, realistic and pragmatic optimism. Balance (gross).

Through trial and error, I’ve discovered that the most consistently beneficial way I can successfully transverse periods of transition is with a blend of action and distraction. Face the fear, address the challenge, and then embroider my way through the yucky feelings, if you will.

And man have I been embroidering. For me, it’s the perfect pastime. While concentrating on pulling a needle through cloth, I can see things coming together in a tangible way that this messy existence doesn’t often afford me, getting me out of my head and giving me a sense of peace and productivity. With the right pattern and/or kit (shout out to the amazing Hook, Line & Tinker!), the result is something I can display with pride. The satisfaction, in other words, is real.

I bought three kits last week and have already finished one. I could—should?—slow down and savour them, but … I don’t wanna, and I won’t. As long as I’m proactively handling my health stuff, I’ll unapologetically keep rewarding myself with crafts, LEGO, and ice cream.