Six Months!

Exactly six months ago, I left the hospital and came home to a new apartment and to a life that was full both of possibility and, at the same time, of uncertainty. I remember the excitement; I also remember the nerves. The future was mine to embrace or to mess up.

I like to think I’m doing a pretty good job of the former.

Six months ago, I required help with most activities of daily living. It was still unclear whether or not I’d be able to use a bedside commode; a nurse came daily to flush my G-tube and change the dressing on my stage-four pressure wound; getting through each individual day was an accomplishment in itself. My tolerance for sitting in my wheelchair was very limited, which meant that my world, while larger than it’d been when I was an inpatient, was by nature quite contained. Though I was happy to be home with my husband, I was also overwhelmed, scared that I wouldn’t improve enough to lead an intellectually and emotionally satisfying life.

And now?

Physically, I’ve made tremendous progress. All my pressure wound requires is maintenance care and monitoring. I’ve held steady nutritionally and have been making consistent, sustained steps forward in that regard. With a sharper mind and better-refined goals and purpose, I’m able to engage with others and chip away at projects that’d been on the back burner even before last year’s crisis.

Things are by no means perfect, but that’s OK. Six months have shown me that hard work can pay off. They’ve shown me the value of hunkering down and focusing on the long term. They’ve shown me that I truly am stubborn as an ox. They’ve furthermore shown me the extent to which I can adapt and make good decisions. I can’t help but wish I weren’t in a wheelchair, that I were more independent, that it were easier to navigate the ups and the downs. That doesn’t mean, however, that I need to fixate on what’s lacking. A better use of my time and energy is doing my best to be grateful for everything I’ve gained and continuing to maximize my quality of life.

I’m eager and curious to see what the next six months bring. May they include friendship, connections, growth, learning, books, LEGO, crafts, and ice cream.