Friendly Acts of Wheeling

On Saturday, one of my best friends swung by, picked me up, and brought me to the Textile Museum of Canada (which I highly recommend, by the way).

It was the first time, I think, that I’ve gone out with a friend beyond the confines of my neighbourhood, without my husband, and for such a lengthy stretch, and it couldn’t have gone more smoothly. She pushed me with great skill, we both enjoyed the museum, and we got back to my place before my afternoon PSW arrived. It was yet another in a series of confidence boosters, and I felt as if a new world of possibility were unlocked. The less I rely on my husband to bring me places, the more independent I become, and there are few things I value more than doing stuff for/by myself. I’m now one step closer to making that happen.

I was surprised to notice that I was excited but not nervous in advance of this outing. Generally speaking, my level of risk tolerance is pretty high to begin with—next week, skydiving!—and I had no doubt that this pal would do a stellar job. Still, I normally experience anticipatory anxiety before just about anything and everything I attempt. The absence of my usual catastrophic thinking was thus striking.

It was great. What was, I wondered, this foreign feeling? Anxiety-free excitement isn’t something very familiar to me, but I’d like to incorporate it into my emotional repertoire. I’m working on it.

At the end of the day, taking calculated risks rather than entertaining my catastrophic thinking is the only way forward. I’ll inevitably still have feelings and limitations I’d rather not have or for which I might judge myself, but it’s by forcing myself through them, when appropriate, that I get to the good stuff. Success begets success.

The same friend very kindly accompanied me to an appointment on Tuesday so that my husband could work uninterrupted. The trip went just as well—better, even. Not to brag or anything, but we frickin’ nailed it. Rush hour on public transportation in a wheelchair after incredibly painful toe injections? No biggie.

Success, as I wrote, begets success. Life can be good, and I’m one lucky human being.