In my last post, I promised that the next one would be about ice cream. Since I’m a woman of my word, here are ten paragraphs about ice cream. Count ’em.
I began writing this post as I greet each new day: by making a list. Since along with being a woman of my word I’m also a woman of atypical tastebuds, a woman whose favourite flavour is unwaveringly bland but who does enjoy branching out on occasion (usually, however, only when she’s really branching out), this list brings together a real range of frozen treats, from a hand-crafted, dark-chocolate-dipped gelato bar purchased at a local ice-cream shop to a corn-flavoured ice-cream novelty in the shape of a corn cob to soft serve from McDonald’s. It’s ordered randomly, and the deliciousness of each item is rated on the classic 1–10 scale.
Please note that for brevity’s sake, I set an arbitrary limit of thirteen frozen desserts and am including a longer review of only one of them; gotta keep content in reserve since I plan to make frozen-dessert reviews a regular feature.
1. Corn cream 10/10
2. Strawberry-filled ice-cream fish waffle 10/10
3. Chestnut bar 10/10
4. Walnut bar 10/10
5. Home-assembled Saucy Spots/pizzelle ice-cream sandwich 10/10
6. Sponge Bob bar 10/10
7. QQ Pudding “frozen dessert bar”
What’s QQ pudding? Judging from the illustration on the packaging, it’s flan. In fact, my husband thought that we were buying a package of actual flan until I ripped open the box while on the streetcar heading home from the grocery store so that I could try a bar right away, lacking the patience to wait fifteen minutes.
My taste test confirmed that this “frozen dessert bar” is, indeed, flan-flavoured. It’s also, in a word, weird. Or perhaps “confusing” is more accurate? It makes the classic mistake of trying to be everything at once, in this case flan-flavoured ice cream, chewy chunks that I think might be bits of mochi, and a section of ice pop.
I think I liked it. No, I didn’t like it—I liked one of its three elements, and since I really liked that element, my judgement is being clouded. Indeed, the only part of QQ Pudding I enjoyed nearly perfected the taste of flan in the form of ice cream, which is ideal for flan-flavoured ice cream and made me, a flan fan, pretty darn happy. However—and this is a big “however”—I really didn’t enjoy the other two elements, and it’d be very difficult, very impractical, and very strange and socially awkward to remove the Popsicle top and perform dessert surgery to extract the gelatinous chunks from the main section of bar to be left with a small portion of admittedly heavenly ice cream. For those reasons, I probably won’t prioritize this treat in my future frozen-dessert eating.
But yeah. There was just so much going on here. So many textures that my brain couldn’t process at once. Keep in mind, though, that my brain doesn’t excel at processing stuff and that I have issues with the creamy-plus-chewy texture combo on the best of days. It’s very possible that you’ll be more OK with this disorienting ice-cream novelty than I was.
I’m giving the flan-flavoured ice cream a 10/10 for deliciousness but the bar overall a generous 4/10. Sorry, QQ Pudding.
8. Mini matcha cones 10/10
9. Bar Ape dark-chocolate raspberry bar 10/10
10. Chapman’s ice-cream sandwich 10/10
11. Menchie’s frozen yogurt (with NO TOPPINGS because I read somewhere that the toppings are how they get you moneywise, and I like to maintain the illusion that they aren’t “getting me” even though I inevitably spend $6 on a smallish cup of toppingless fro yo) 10/10
12. McDonald’s soft serve 10/10
13. No Name ice-cream cup 10/10
The world of frozen desserts is vast, friends, and though I’m but one woman, I’m doing my best to explore its peaks (and valleys, apparently).
PS You might be wondering how frozen desserts and the stated theme(s?) of this blog are connected. Joke’s on you! I changed the subtitle of De Morbo Sacro to Life and/with Epilepsy—note the “and”—in order to justify going on any life-related tangents that suit me. Just so happens that frozen desserts are an important part of my existence.