Although I’d been contemplating breaking my blog silence for weeks (how many posts have I started with some variation of this?), it took a moment this morning in which the more rational part of my brain reassured me that I was, as is my way, grossly overcomplicating the situation for me to go ahead and actually do it.
Before that, I’d more or less decided that I couldn’t share anything short of an expertly composed masterpiece. Perfectionist much? Indeed, the longer I let lapse after my previous entry, the more pressure I felt to have the next one be flawless (and the less certain I was about what I should and shouldn’t include in the momentous piece of writing I would produce and make available to an audience that inevitably wouldn’t be as judgemental as I anticipated it would).
Still, the easiest option, especially given what I’ve been medically traversing and the energy levels I’ve had, was to let it slide.
But then I got to thinking about how much I genuinely miss blogging and the sense of connection and fulfilment it provides.
This observation allowed me to shift my mindset enough to decide that I was willing to temporarily lower my standards. Maybe it’s enough, for this first post in way too long, to let you know that I’m here. That although things have been hard, I’m doing really, really challenging work—with incredible support—to get better. That I pinky swear that sometime in the near future, I’ll write more about what that’s entailed. That now that the holiday season has arrived, I’m in my usual full-blown festive mode, which brings me great joy (and many stickers). That I’m always super happy to receive messages, in whatever form, from family and friends, even if it takes me longer than usual to reply to them. That if I haven’t been great about keeping in contact, it (probably) isn’t personal (unless … nope, not personal); I’ve had a lot on my plate, but I want to, and will be, a better friend when I can. In the meantime, please know that I care.
And that I’ll do my very best to post more frequently. I really have missed you.